The World is not Enough

So according to a Richard & Judy exclusive yesterday afternoon, Channel Four will be screening a new reality show from early December. What makes this one stand out from the crowd is that the programmers are attempting to dupe the contestants into believing that they have been blasted into space.

Apparently the details are all still very hush-hush, but the premise is that they have been taken to a Russian space centre for training (away from any possibility of hearing news from the outside world) and will eventually be launched in a shuttle into the cosmos.

I'm sure that with decent simulators (which I imagine would be a cross between the Star-Tours ride in Disneyland and the centrifuge in Moonraker) that the effects of launching into space could be replicated to a believable degree.

However, just how do they intend to simulate the zero gravity effects of a free-fall orbit once they are 'up there'?

We are told that the entire time they will be firmly on the ground in a Capricorn 4-style studio somewhere in the midlands. I'm therefore ruling out any likelihood of aircraft being cunningly employed.

Or maybe...just maybe...the producers have bought in some kind of crazy Tesla-Keely antigravity technology purely for our amusement.

I live in hope.

The Casual Observer

Despite the 21st century look and feel of the new Bas-Vegas (that's Festival Leisure Park in Basildon to those outside Essex) the club/bar shoe policies remain firmly in the 1980s.

Despite being smartly shirted for the evening out, our first stop-off for a few pre-club drinks was cut short by my 'too casual shoes'. I took exeption to this due to the fact that a) they allow t-shirts, jeans and denims into the bars and b) they referred to my footwear as 'trainers' which the are quite definitely not. They are not particularly supportive shoes and would be my last choice for wearing at the gym.

Of course arguing never helps with the doormen and I can't blame them for enforcing a ridiculous policy, because it is their job to enforce all ridiculous policies set by that club. So, to avoid ruining everyone's evening and settling for the cinema, it was off to Tesco at almost midnight to pay out £20 on some brown leather slip-ons. Naturally these got me in without a hitch.

I'd have thought that a pair of £50 Oakley suede slip-ons would be preferable to the discerning club-owner and club-goer than a pair of cheapo supermarket shoes.

It comes down to this, if the oh-so-trendy-and-pricey yet utterly scruffy patched and pre-worried jeans and tees are ok, then my casual yet costly Oakley slip-ons are ok.

If, on the other hand they are aiming for a smart and dapper look in their establishments, then out with the designer street-wear and in with my twenty quid supermarket shoes.

I would say that they can't have it both ways but clearly I would be wrong.

I can't believe that any of these policies are derived with a view to ousting the wrong-uns. Basing a whole admission policy on the pretext that well-to-do types wear brown or black leather shoes, whereas trouble-making yobs come pre-shod in trainers is way outdated. If this were the case then out go your chilled-out Oakley loafer patrons and in come the fellows in shit-kicking and blakied-out Doc Martens.

No, I don't think that perceived character has anything to do with it. It simply comes down to the clubs in question wanting a particular look, and unfortunatley the shoes seem to be singled out as the focus of that look.

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Curb Your Mobile Enthusiasm

OK so I'm typing this blog out on my laptop, and would normally then throw the text onto my mobile phone to be emailed to my blogger account...

However, I have just spent the last half an hour on the blower to Vodafone trying to find out exactly how much all this data usage is costing me (or not) and I am none the wiser.

The problem really boils down to the new-fangled web-browsing and emailing available on my mobile. Now the Vodafone WAP site itself is free. Good. From within this site I can also download free movie trailers and other such nonsense. Also good. Beyond this I will get charged at a rate of £2.35 per MB of data traffic. This again is good in that I know when I am going to be charged, but obviously bad because of the outrageous pricing.

But it gets trickier.

I have been told that my 100 inclusive text mesages per month also equates to a data bundle (anything between 6 and 12MB worth of data from the conflicting information I have been supplied with). This is all very nice but If my data usage is eating up my texting allowance, then very quickly I will end up with no free texting for the month and end up paying for that instead.

If I look at the Packet Data log on the phone, this tells me simply how much data has been moved about on that phone.
It does not tell me how much of that is 'free' via the Vodafone site. It does not tell me how much is inclusive in my contract package. It simply scares me when it informs me of my 25MB of usage. Good grief! That would cost me over £50 for a few measly browsings and emails. WTF!

"Why not phone up Vodafone and ask them?" you think. If only it were that easy. As I say, after half an hour I am none the wiser. Their records are always 72 hours behind, and no-one really knows how much free bundle I get. I have been told that last month I used £10 of extras (what? in just a couple of days?). I have been told that I used 6650 Bytes this month and that it equates to 20 pence ????? Uh?!? I have also been told that according to their records I have not sent any text messages this month. Ummm...yes I have.

The online billing is just throwing up errors when i try to access my account and the 'text me a balance' service just plain doesn't exist. Oh they say it does and they tell me how to request said text, but the instructions don't pan out. I was eventually told this was because my phone was too new and I would need to give it a month.

None of this is helped by the fact that all my conversations with Vodafone are marred by drop-outs in the audio which makes it mighty difficult to hear the advice, and I listen intently to the silence wondering if they are speaking to me unaware of my enforced deafness or merely thinking to themselves that they're glad they got their phone from Orange.

The only good to come out of all this was that after the fourth phonecall in which I was asked once again to give my name, phone number address, postode and date of birth - all for security reasons - they finally gave me the option to setup a security code. Hurrah.

So for now this blog is going to be delivered via Starbucks WiFi and I shall be curbing my web presence.

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moblog

Before I even start to write this I realise the foolishness of not first having purchased a handy stowaway bluetooth keyboard.

It's my first moblog and although I am confident that the great SMTP wheels of messenging will do their job, it's a shame that I cannot include photos from my UK phone.

It should also be noted that this is the original phone on the original contract thanks to much buck-passing from both service provider and retailer. I don't mind, it's a cool phone (Nokia 6630) and I am already expecting a splendid rubberised cover for it post-haste from ebay :) Now for that keyboard...

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